Being Chased by Family
This will be writing about my experience of family and how it has impacted my life. Not all of the details are included. This all comes together in a foggy ethereal sort of way. lol
BELIEF: family is supposed to be there for you, no matter what. family is supposed to care for and nurture you, be your ROCK. Family is supposed to be loving and accepting. family is supposed to call you by your name, calling your home.
ORIGINAL NUCLEAR FAMILY: My mom and dad came from large families of 10 children each. My mom, Ruth Estella Fallow married my dad, Edward A Samuelson. They had Sister Mary Lou Samuelson, and me: EDWARD A SAMUELSON. My sister eloped to marry Dean Velter Greenwood, leaving me at home alone. She also followed her mother and became an alcoholic.
IMPACT: Mom dies
IMPACT: Dad dies
IMPACT: sister dies
I went to Enterprise High School, progressed to Shasta College, then to the University of Oregon, and finally, to Oregon State University. After University I worked until I was drafted. It was somewhere between my graduation from university and my return from being drafted into the US Army, that my parents divorced. My father had his work and a girlfriend and my mother drifted trying to find herself and learn how to make a living, living as an alcoholic. note: alcoholic families are shame-based.
MY FAMILY: After the US Army I returned home. I was at Redding airport and realized that I had no home to come to. So, I called my friend Sandra, and her boyfriend had just moved out, so, I was given space until I found an apartment. In and about that time, Sandra and I ended up marrying. From that union we had a fabulous baby named: JESIKA RUTH SAMUELSON. At one point, Sandra went off to Europe to sing with the church choir. I think that was on the 16 of Sept. Jesika, my friend Roger and Betty rode the train to Seattle to attend my graduation for a Master's degree from LIOS, on Sept 18. A huge milestone and Sandra left. hmmm. Well upon returning, Sandra and I went for a walk and she said she wanted a divorce. I was 50. She said she did not know what she wanted, but she knew what she had was not what she wanted. I moved to a condo on Cactus in Portland, and Sandra moved to a home on the 5th. When I reached the age of 58, I was laid off from my work with Time Warner. I searched for work for a number of years. I had two life time paid life coaches, and yet never found work. I was tired and depressed, and I was ashamed.
IMPACT: loss of home and family status
IMPACT: loss of work
JOURNEY INTO MEXICO: I decided to attend the CENTER FOR SACRED LEADERSHIP. At that time, I decided I would go to PCC and discovered a program that taught Spanish in Guanajuato, the Falcon Institute. So, I attended the Institute. Sandra and Gary offered to pick me up and take me to spend a week at their place in Ajijic, Jalisco, Mexico. I agreed, and they set up an appointment for me to look at real estate in the Lago de Chapala area. I purchased a home in Upper Ajijic. I went home and liquidated and returned to Mexico to pay/close on the house. I sold or gave everything away, and much went to my daughter: JESIKA RUTH SAMUELSON GAVILANES. Yes, Jes married a few years before I went to Mexico. (The drivers were depressed, shame, and had a desire for a better life.) After 6 months, I decided to move to a more Mexican area, Chapala, Jalisco, Mexico.
VISITING MY HOME: It becomes strange that I no longer had a physical home in Portland. I did have my daughter and her family. Jes said to me: "but you have a family, we are your family." and my son in law, Enrique said, "You will always have a home." So, I have had a home to visit with my family in Portland. For the last 18 years, the only physical home and family I have known are my daughters: ENRIQUE, JES, ANA, AND ELI.
GRIEF: There is so much constant change in the world, let alone a person's family, that it takes skill and focus to get beyond, and become refreshed for the next chapter, the next moment. It is difficult.
ESCAPE FROM MEXICO: Covid came alone and just about freaked me out. With isolation, I was stopped in my steps, and in my life to realize, that like many, I came to Mexico and I got lost in the magic and forgot to leave. With COVID I awoke to the fact that I was certainly older, almost 80, and so much had changed in my mind as well as circumstances that I had never planned upon. Things that happened that I never thought to plan for:
a. I was really considered older at 80
b. Real estate in America had gone through the roof, both for buying and renting.
c. I never planned for an escape; I was just living.
d. I never planned for the real estate market
e. I was finally tired of being around TOXIC alcoholic people. (I was always patient)
THE DILEMMA: I bought my way into Mexico, and now as a renter, I do not remotely have enough resources to buy my way back into the most unreasonably high American Housing Market. It opens one big question: HOW DO I GET HOME TO BE WITH MY FAMILY? I have always worked hard (family ethic) and led with my intuition and Heart, and that has served me well. I will be home, to be around, not live with my family. I want that to occur before I get too old, infirm, and or die. As my dear sister once said, Family is
all there is. And so, that is all I have.
THE CONCLUSION: The main drive of my life has been LOVE, and wanting to find it in my family. After so much, I know that my family loves me, and i so truly love my family. The dilemma is how to now move on, how to escape from Mexico, back to be closer to my family when so much has changed, and is certainly out of my hands. LOVE: I have always loved deeply, and that is the driving force to be around family.
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